T-gives

Well, here we are, the eve of T-gives 2014. Lots of things have happened over the past year or so, and since most of this blog has been pretty sappy, why not add an ultra-sap-filled post for one of the sappiest holidays of them all?

For starters, I'm thankful. Like really, really thankful. Just in general and overall. The past year and a half have been the best I've seen in a while. I won't go into all of the sh*t that many of the last few years have brought with them; I want to keep this on the up and up and up. So, I'm going to review some of the things that I'm *REALLY* super-mega thankful for, and while I'm not going to harp on the negatives, I'd also like to take this opportunity to think-out-loud (and by out-loud I mean with typing <click, click, click>) about some things that are within my power to change that I'd like to work on, so that I can be even thankfuller next year.

Here goes (in no particular order):
1. THAT BOY (AKA: D, Daryl, Dude, Boyfriend)
I'm in love.  Like really in love.  I thought I was in love that one other time, but man, I was wrong. This guy "gets me". I get this guy. I feel like I'm my most self when I'm with him (note: this is NOT the same as best self). I don't wanna use the term soul-mates, because damn! that's some lame-ass sh*t, but he is the closest thing I've ever found. He makes me laugh out-loud about a billion times a day. He understands when I'm filled with grump-a-lumps that it isn't him, it's definitely me, and importantly he knows exactly what to do to be helpful. He is a real partner in my whole life. If something good happens, he is there and ready to celebrate (even little victories). If something bad happens, he is there and ready to console me (even the stupid little sh*t). He's a helper around the house and with the manimals. He's a work-buddy on the weekends. He's a workout buddy in the rare occasion that I actually want to go to the gym. He makes all activities better, even mundane things like going for groceries. It feels 100% equal and reciprocal and filled with all things that are good. I'm thankful for Daryl and for love and for Daryl's love and for snacks, which Daryl often makes for me!

2. MY FAM
My family has had some real issues in the past (again, not the time or place), but I love them. Each and every one of them. Mom would do ANYTHING for any of her kids (for better or worse). Jodi and I are closer than ever before, which is great because she also gets parts of me that no one else gets. Aaron and I are also getting closer. Avery is an absolute JOY, even when she is filled with cranky, she is hilarious. And of course, there is Gram, who is always Gram, and who is just about the definition of love. And for all of that, I'm thankful for...um...ancestry?

3. MY FRIENDS
I was really, really, really worried when I moved to Miami that I'd be friendless for a while. It is HARD to make friends as an adult. You don't have a "cohort". You don't all live in the same building. It is tough. But I have been lucky. I'm slowly building a local friend-base, and I really love them! I don't get to spend as much time with them as I'd like, but when we get together, it is fun-times ahoy. Then, there are those who I don't get to spend ANY time with... My friends who are far away. Fortunately, we live in the 90s, and there is modern technology that allows me to talk with these folks...sometimes. Our busy lives have kept us from being in as close of contact as I would like, but with many of these friends, I feel like we haven't missed a beat and that I know what's going on in most of your lives, thanks to the magic of the Internet. Thanks, Internet!
                                            
                                                ----WORKIN' ON IT BREAK-----
Even though I'm exceedingly thankful for my boy, my family, and my friends, I do worry sometimes that I let myself get in the way from being as close to the people in my life as I could be. Intimacy is HARD for me, especially emotional intimacy, and so, I'd like to work on that in the coming year. I'd like to work to be more emotionally open with D, my friends, and my family. 

4. MY HEALTH
I've been sick a lot in the past. It has never been anything serious, but I have definitely had my fair share of sinus infections, colds, bronchitis, and the like. I even got pneumonia in Florida. Who does that?! But, it turns out that this is almost assuredly due to horrible allergies that I just never knew I had! I'm on some pretty intense allergy medications now (and I'm getting allergy shots), and man, I haven't felt this good in years. I'm getting fewer "colds", and the ones I have gotten have been mild in comparison. And so, I'm thankful for immunotherapy!

5. MY WORK
I complain about work a lot. It can be stressful, but few things in live bring me as much joy and nothing gives me the feeling of accomplishment that comes with big and small victories at work. I've had a super-productive year and a half, but there is always room for more. I'm thankful for finding a career that I don't only love, but that I can't imagine not doing.

6. MY STUFF
This one feels weird, but I am, I'm thankful for my stuff. I've truly got everyTHING that I need. Momma Musser keeps asking me what I want for Christmas, but for once, there is nothing that I really need. My apartment, just fine. My car, totally decent. My other sh*t, good enough. There are so many folks in this world who don't even have enough to eat, let alone the amount of stuff that I have, and I'm thankful that my really basic (and not so basic) needs are being met.

                                                ----WORKIN' ON IT BREAK-----
Again, even though I'm entirely thankful for my health, work, and general stuff, I do worry about each of these things a bit. Health-wise, I've gained some substantial weight over the past 1.5 years. I think this is likely due to the fact that I sit on my big ol' butt for 12+ hours per day, then sleep for 8 more. Also, delicious, delicious chocolate and snacks. And so, in the coming year, I'd like to increase my overall activity level and water intake and decrease my sugar intake. In terms of work, I'm really pushing myself here, there isn't much more I can be doing. I waste a ton of time while I'm working, but to some degree, I think I need that to maintain my sanity. So, for the coming year, in the work domain, I'd like to work to give myself a little bit of a break and cut myself some slack about work-stuff. Too often, I tie my entire self-worth to how I'm doing at work or how hard I'm working. That's so not legit. I'm much more than a psychologist, even though I forget it a lot. Stuff-wise, again, I really have everything I need, but with that, I also have a BIG debt. I owe student loan companies the equivalent of condo, and I owe credit card companies way more than I ought to. So, my goal for this year in the stuff-area is to cut back on unnecessary spending (like on coffee and/or lunches that I could make at home for less than half the cost) and bump up my debt payments.

I'd say that's the bulk of it. Overall, my life is going pretty damn well, and luckily, everything that isn't completely stellar is pretty within my control to improve. THANKS for EVERYTHING.

I could have had a baby...

...but I didn't.

That is, I *could* have created life in the amount of time that I've been on hiatus...but I didn't.  In fact, I didn't even try, or rather, I actively tried not to.

Instead what I did was ALL the work, some of the sicks, some of the travel, lots of the loves, and ALL of the cohabitating with Zoe, Potato, GMK, and that D guy.

Here are the highlights.

ALL THE WORK--ALL THE TIME: 
All work and no play makes Erica...get tenure hopefully.  I've been seriously busting my butt. I won't fully recount my CV for you here, but I've been working on lots of projects, and I've learned some valuable lessons.
For example, if playing the role of every single faculty and staff member from your old lab in your new lab isn't motivation enough to get some flippin' grant money, then I don't know what is. Note: I'm working with some extraordinary grads and RAs, but I'm playing the role of PI, project coordinator, recruitment coordinator, scheduling coordinator, receptionist/secretary, RA, and data manager/analyst. GIMME SOME FLIPPIN' MONEY NIH! 
In that regard, I have submitted 1 grant as a PI and 2 as a co-I, and I'm working on 1 as a PI, 1 as a co-PI, and 2 as a co-I as we speak. I'm hoping that by sheer quantity alone NIH will eventually just give me money because they recognize my name, but alas, as all researchers and scientists know all too well, NIH has lost ~25% of its purchasing power over the last decade. That's BILLIONS of dollars that could be funding my work and the important work of others.  I'm constantly reading new articles on the bleak nature of academia these days, and in truth, I'm just happy that I currently have *any* job, let alone one that I really love.  Now all I have to do is make it permanent by getting some funding to show my department chair that I'm worth keeping around.  It really is the same roller-coaster that graduate school was I get really good feedback on something, then I *DON'T* get an award or grant or what have you and start to doubt whether it is all worth it.  For  now, the answer is OF COURSE, but I'm not sure that will always be the case, especially if I ever decide to settle down and actually try to create life to keep me from writing over a 9 month time span.


HAVE I FINALLY BEATEN THE SICKS!?
So, um, well, I guess I have some confessions to make.  All those times over all those years that I was "sick", it turns out I wasn't really sick.  Apparently, I have some of the worst nasal allergies the ENT I went to see has ever seen in his career.  So, that's great.  But what is great is that he has me on 3 meds that actually allow me to breathe.  Like really, truly breathe.  He also has prescribed allergy shots, which I am still kind of wishy-washy about, but I've only had them twice, so I'm allowed to be.  I have to get them WEEKLY for a full year, then down to monthly for along time, then less and less until about 3-5 years from now, I won't need meds anymore.  That is, unless I leave south Florida, then I'll have to start all over again.  I'd like to take a moment to thank my Dad and my Gram Wood for this.  Both of them were/are allergic to everything.  Way to give me a double dose!

LORD, I WAS BORN A RAMBLIN' (wo)MAN
Over the past few months, I've been lots of places: San Francisco, DC, PA, NYC. 
Over the next few months I'll be going lots more places: PA--home, PA--Philly, Curacoa, NYC, PA--Philly (again! dammit!), San Francisco (probably), Kansas City, Portland, Eugene, Seattle
All of these are either work or family trips except: Curacao, Kansas City, and the PNW trip is half work/half fun.
I CANNOT WAIT for these trips.  I don't think I've been on a proper vacation since, um, I don't know when.  When I lived in Rochester, maybe?  Jay and I went on some for fun trips. But during graduate school, all my trips were to conferences or to see family or just short day/weekend trips around the PNW.  Curacao will be my first real vacation in nearly a decade.  We are already planning some awesome times including scuba diving, which I've never done before, but am both excited and scared about.  What I'm more excited about is the prospect of doing NOTHING for a full 5 days. No emails. No calls. No drama. No (work) reading. No (work) writing. Just me and D and food and sun and sand and sleeping in and swimming and probably a massage.  ONE. MORE. MONTH.
I am also crazy excited for Cara's wedding and my PNW trip, but those are so far away that they don't even feel real yet.

LOVE AND LIVING IN SIN
D and I moved in together in July and it has been going smashingly.  I've never been happier or more in love.  Mushy. I know, but still this is the real deal. Even when he leaves his clothes from the day before on the floor when he leaves for work in the morning. Even when the trash is overflowing because we were both too lazy to take it out.  Even when Potato completely coats the couch in blonde.  Even when there is no more OJ. And especially when I come home from work and start to walk to the bedroom to change and decompress, and he stops me and says, "Wait, you forgot something.", then pulls me in for a kiss. Especially when he sings to the dogs. Especially when I walk in on him having a dance party in his undies while listening to the record player and doing the dishes, and he says, "Oh, I was going to surprise you!". Especially when I don't feel well and he comes back from getting toilet paper and says, "I got you something.  I know you love nail polish, and I know you like reds and pinks, but I didn't know which ones you already had, so I got you this.", and he pulls out a bright-ass blue polish that I would have never picked myself, but I wear it anyway because it makes me think of him.