Well hello!
I keep promising to write, I know, but life has been busy here in the Deepest of Souths. You all could write me, too, ya know?!
Usually, here at HTSTSA, we either discuss the whacky things that happen to me in my new home, or we discuss the very important issue of online dating via the HNTPUAW series.
Unfortunately, I have been receiving very few OKC messages of late. This is not unfortunate in the dating sense, since I'm now the girlfriend of that boy that I told you all about before. You know, the instant connection one? Remember? Do you guys even actually read this thing? Anyway, I miss the messages more from a comedic stand-point. They really allowed me to express my views in a way that I enjoyed, and I miss sharing those with you. Hopefully, I'm not sending out the taken vibe via the Intertoobs, but I'm also just not really active on the site much these days, so that has probably got something to do with it. Or maybe the Miami boys just realized that they are mostly hilarious to me, and so, stopped writing as not to be used for comedy and my own entertainment. Anyway, this is not why I post today...
Today, I post about something I usually don't like to talk about. My whole family is a bit superstitious, but especially about this, in particular. The topic is GOOD SHIT THAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING TO ME LATELY. The notion in my family is that if you talk about the good shit that has been happening to you, then it will either a) stop happening or b) bad shit will start happening to make up for it. I take it a bit further and to some small extent feel that whenever a bunch of good stuff happens, then surely right around the bend is a shit-ton of bad stuff just waiting to jump out at me during one of my midnight trips to the bathroom, causing me to fall and smack my face on the side of the toilet or step on a "palmetto bug" that I couldn't see in the dark or eat what I thought was cottage cheese, but in reality was yogurt that had gone really bad. You know, bad luck times follow good luck times because as J. Seinfeld (c. 1998) once implied, "Everything evens out."
So, with all of this in mind, while knowing full well that I am 100% jinxing myself, and basically, inviting a shitstorm to hover over my home, I give you, the list of good shit that has been happening to me lately:
1. I have a job, and I LOVE it.
Part A: Really, really, truly, I love this job. Grant you, I've only been here for 2 months, but damn, every morning I swear that I wake up and immediately think, "I have a job, in my field, that I love!" I get to do lots of the things that I want to do with very little supervision, which can be scary, but mostly, it is awesome. I get to teach, which I actually enjoy. I get to mentor, which I mostly enjoy, oddly this is harder than just teaching. I get to write and read and propose research. And best of all, I have ZERO clinical duties. NONE! ZIP! This is such a refreshing change from internship, where I felt that all of the joy that I associate with psychology and my work had been squashed. Reminder: I'm a scientist. I'm not a clinician.
Part B: Financially, this is also really working out for me. Grant you, I'm not making the BIG bucks. I never will. But by side-stepping the whole post-doc thing, which I still don't completely understand how I actually did that, I have an actual income. It cost me an awful lot of ca$h to move to Miami, but honestly, my post-doc options were likely going to be either Toronto or Columbia. It would have cost just as much to move (probably more--no reimbursement of funds there), and those cities are crazy expensive to live in besides. Also, note, I am more than $100K in student loan debt, and I have more credit card debt than I'd like, but now I have a legit means of paying it off...slowly. This brings me to my next point...
2. I've basically finished my Loan Repayment Program application. I would love to submit this, if only the government would go back to work. For those of you who don't know, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have a Loan Repayment Program for promising scientists in order to encourage more bright and talented individuals to complete doctorates in the sciences, which can be an expensive undertaking, rather than going into industry. If you aren't in the sciences, you might not be fully aware of this, but with many of them, YOU WILL NEVER MAKE ANY MONEY EVER, but you will go to school for AT LEAST 8 years...or in my case, 10. So, unlike medical doctors or dentists or lawyers or business folk, you will go to school for a very long time, but you will never make any real ca$h. The government NEEDS scientists, so they will pay back up to $35K per year for 2-3 years. This program is basically made for someone like me who came from a working-class background and went to school forever. I am pretty proud of my application, so keep those fingers crossed for the government going back to work and funding my application. Speaking of applications...
3. I've also developed what I think is a pretty stellar idea for a K-award application. Again, if you don't know what this is, it is a training grant through NIH that allows you to get extra training in an area of research that you'd like to further develop AND conduct research in that area. Mine will be to study both behavioral and biological emotion dysregulation as an antecedent and consequence of cannabis use in adolescents. I'll get to use all the same methods I've used in the past with kids with ADHD, but this time with teens (who I've never worked with before) and in the context of substance abuse (which I know a lot about personally, but not professionally). I'll feel like I'm really making a difference if I get to do this work. That feels really great, and I'm starting to put together a pretty amazing team of mentors, so again, fingers crossed that the government goes back to work and funds my application for this project, which I'll plan to submit as early as February or as late as June.
4. The paper from Hell is nearly finished and will be resubmitted before November 5th. Remember that post from before where I was filled with self-doubt because I screwed up the Goddamned analyses for a paper and had to contact the editor of the journal to say that the results were NOT actually the results, and it made me feel like a Goddamned idiot? I wish I could be so forgetful. Anyway, I figured out the problem, I found a way to fix it, I reran everything, and the effects still held--Halle-frickin-lujah. I'm just now polishing it up and putting a bow on it, but once that shit is off my plate, I'll be able to focus on projects that I actually give a fuck about.
5. Teaching is even better than I remembered. I've always loved teaching. I'd been a TA since 2000, when I started TAing as an undergraduate for Introduction to Biology at UofR. I did that for 3 years, then TAed all through graduate school at UO, and taught Adult Psychopathology every summer during grad school until Internship. I'd forgotten how much I love it. I really do. And I surveyed my students this week. While I feel teaching evals are often a poor reflection of how a class is really going, the reviewers were overwhelmingly positive, and it made me feel good about myself.
YOU--But Erica, don't you do anything besides work?
ME--Well, not really, but here are some good things that aren't work-related.
6. I finally went to da beach! It was wonderful. I was scared of going into the water barefoot, because every other beach I've ever been to has been rocky or shell filled. This was pure sand! So, it was soft and smooth on my tootsies. I was also not a fan of being struck in the face by waves, but I was mostly able to avoid that. Finally, I was not a fan of Boy laughing at me as I got in the water and screamed about how cold it was. Note: Later that day, we found out that the water was actually a chilly 84 degrees... I'm an asshole. Anyway, speaking of Boy...
7. Boy and I are officially official, and I like him a lot. I really don't want to say too much about this one because I am worried that there will be jinxing and this is the thing I most do not wish to jinx, but I will say this: I like him...a lot. I will also say this: Many of you know that some of my past relationships have been not-so-healthy. I blame no one. This was as much my fault as the others', but this one feels Healthy. I'm just so comfortable around him, and there doesn't feel like some big pressure to have anything be any particular way or for either of us to do any particular thing. I really love it. Holy shit, maybe I'm an adult?
8. The Reflektors (i.e., Arcade Fire) are my favorite. If you know me at all, you know this. They are playing two shows in Miami next week, and I got tickets to BOTH of them. They are tiny venues, and this is their first ever show in Florida. They will likely play only songs from their new album, but I couldn't be happier.
9. I love my house, I love my neighborhood, I like Miami.
YOU--Erica, but surely EVERYTHING isn't coming up roses?
ME--Of course not, I was forced to leave the Rose City, but things are going much better than could have possibly been anticipated, and I'm happy. Truly happy.
Dear Gods of Happiness, Please don't smite me?
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